Sexdating ideal

You know this because they keep asking you to ‘dinner’. That a child pooing in a pot does not warrant a Facebook status update and several photos. The joy you feel when a single best friend finally does find a great partner. That you have to pretend to love being single, even when you don’t, because admitting you’re lonely and miss being held just makes everyone else uncomfortable and suspect you’re not a feminist. Although sometimes you really DO love being single because you don’t have to waste time pretending to enjoy the boring s*** someone else likes.

You may or may not have started hugging them and explaining the reason men aren’t asking them out is because they’re intimidated by their beauty, intelligence and general awesomeness. That a depressing number of men want to cheat on their girlfriends and wives. This is because they’ve never tried internet dating. ‘Why are you still single/what’s secretly wrong with you’ face.

You probably have an interesting job, you’re still reasonably healthy and you can spend your time and money on whatever the hell you want. Family reunions mean pity, confusion, then a loud ‘brave’ question about your sexual orientation.

However, there are some things your older/younger/married friends don’t quite get.

Well obviously sometimes like that which brings me to… The value of a good FWB (friend with benefits) and the fact you are happy to keep them as this, not ruin things by trying to turn them into a life partner. That although people ‘must be queuing up for you’, if internet dating is any indicator, this queue comprises a Hodor double who ‘likes burning things’, a 5ft 2 necrophiliac and a worrying number of men whose number one pastime is emailing strangers photographs of their genitals. That 20-something women are 100x hotter than you but, as a rule, 100x less confident. That all married people are intrigued by internet dating and think it’s exciting and fun. The importance of an industrial strength under-eye concealer. Asking one married friend to dinner means both turning up. That it’s 100 per cent better to be single than settle for a crushing bore, a compulsive liar or an arrogant git – even though some of your friends have because they really wanted a baby.

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